@krzk @conor it's very hard to convey tone and to account for people's feelings when something seems like a reprimand, I think the kernel can be especially brutal.
I've been on both sides (though as a junior contributor, less so on the giving), but certainly with day job have had plenty of experience and I do find adding a little bit of nicey-nicey language around these things can make a decent difference.
Relating to the problem 'I know I've personally done [X] a thousand times too :)' like comments etc.
It's hard to get it right and under maintainer pressure I imagine a huge pain in the arse.